I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
