Just cropdusted the office
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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