I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
