ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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