Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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