I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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