ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
