it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
