I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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