There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
