we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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