I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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