im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
