...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
