My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Even my vagina gasped.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
