Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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