So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize