I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
