What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
