He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
