Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
