booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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