Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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