White coat. Heels.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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