I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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