thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
