i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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