A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
