you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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