you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
