it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you never un-have a 4some
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
