When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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