I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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