would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
