his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
