break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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