why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
