i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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