12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
