Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
