Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
