Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
