i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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