Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
