so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
