So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
