me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
