i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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