Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
