why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
