Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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