you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
