sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
