we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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