like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
