Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
