I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
