Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
this hospital has no fireball
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
