my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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