Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
