and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
