ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we're making bets on your personal life
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
