Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
