Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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