her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
