I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
