just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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