i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
