hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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