We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
