My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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