Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
