Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
