I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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