sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
