I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
what day is it and did you see me today?
In America we eat man semen.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
