am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I think people are normalizing furries
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