I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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