My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
