you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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