The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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