he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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