But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So much rum. So many feels.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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