On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
