The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
