my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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