I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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