i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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