I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
